Curly hair is a beautiful and unique feature, as I explained in the Science behind curly hair. However, it can also be a source of frustration and when it doesn’t look its best can make you feel insecure.
This was true for me, but with a bit of knowledge and confidence, I learned to embrace my natural texture and learned to love my curly hair!
My Story:
I first became aware of my hair and the problems with its natural state when I was about 6 years old. My grandmother was getting remarried and I was to be a flower girl at her wedding. She wanted my sister and I get our hair pressed, which we had never done. Long story short, we got it done. It was cute for a few hours, but I quickly sweated out and became an afro. Even at that young age, I could tell my hair didn’t look right. My hair never reverted to the curls I was born with.
That started the process of getting my hair pressed often. Sometimes my mother would do it at home by putting the pressing comb on the stove. Other times she would take us to the salon and they would press it. Mostly it was a cycle of straightening, damage and cutting.
African-Americans are told two things are beautiful when it comes to hair, if it’s straight and if it’s long. I was told I was beautiful when my hair was straight and didn’t feel that way until it was. It made me come to hate my natural texture.
After years of straightening, relaxers became popular and I started getting those. Despite it leaving chemical burns on my scalp, I continued to use relaxers from my teens until my twenties. By the end of that time, I was relaxing my hair once a month and heat styling as well. I didn’t know why my hair was breaking off so badly.
I knew I either had to do a drastic cut or stop relaxing my hair. Foolishly I thought not relaxing my hair would repair the damage. I put my hair in box braids and then waited a month. I took them down, washed my hair, and put it back in braids. I wasn’t expecting anything from this. To be honest I was just enjoying not doing my hair every day.
I did this braid-wash-braid pattern for 6 months. How strong my natural hair felt amazed me and the length was about the same as the relaxed hair.
I decided to straighten it again to see my length. So I went to a salon. My stylist had natural hair and raved about my curl pattern saying I should just cut off the relaxed part. I was flattered but wasn’t ready to deal with my natural hair. I also wasn’t ready to start relaxing it again, which was the plan, so I put it back in braids for another 6 months.
I had about a year of growth when I took my hair down for good. One day after washing it and saw the stringy ends and that was IT. I was done! I had to big chop.
I took out the scissors and cut off all the relaxed hair. It wasn’t part of a movement. It wasn’t to make a statement. I wasn’t going through a crisis. I just wanted to see ME!!
Understanding My Hair Type:
The first step in embracing curly hair is to understand your hair type. For me, I know I didn’t have “good hair.” In the African-American community this would be considered hair that forms perfect ringlets or type 3 hair. I had tight coils that looked more like the spring in an unassembled ink pin.
This is when I found the Curly Girl Method. At the time it was the only book that broke down how to care for curly hair and African-American hair was included. It broke down the different hair types and textures and how to care for each.
It also helped me establish a wash/style routine. I was co-washing once a week and putting my hair into a twist-out or other curly style. I followed the CGM for a while and then moved on to my own method.
Learning the right techniques:
Once you understand your hair type and get into a routine, learning the right techniques is key to length retention. I had to learn how to comb through my hair without breaking it off. What cracked the code for me was finger detangling. It forced me to feel when it was smooth, if I had knots, and how to pull them apart without losing hair.
Hair technique is not just about detangling, it's about the overall maintenance of your hair. Things like:
Hair stretching
Twisting or braiding
Taking the hair down from twists or braids
How you protect the hair at night
It took me years to figure out the techniques with my natural texture. I’m still learning. But having the right techniques to handle my hair has helped me maintain length and grow my hair longer than it’s ever been.
Experimenting with hairstyles:
What helped me learn the right techniques for my hair was experimenting with different hairstyles. While transitioning from relaxed to natural, I had braids. When my hair was down I did twist-outs and Bantu knots to make it look like my hair had the same texture. I was surprised by how many looks I was able to achieve with my curly hair.
It was during this time I had to get over what I was told was beautiful. If the twist-out didn’t come out right, I still had to go to work. So, I learned quickly how to rock a pony-tale, bun, or up-do. I also had to be confident with the style I walked out of the house with. Most times that was when I got the most complaints about my hair.
Finding the right products:
Curly hair tends to be dry. Besides not over-washing your hair, finding the right products is important to help your hair stay hydrated. Look for products specifically designed for curly hair, such as sulfate-free shampoos, silicone-free conditioners, and curl-enhancing creams and gels.
Products I reach for on a regular:
Shampoos: Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle, PATTERN Beauty Hydration Shampoo, and Pantene Truly Natural Co-Wash
Deep conditioners: The Naturally Linked Avocado & Banana Deep Conditioner, TXTR by Cantu and ION Repair masque
Leave-In Conditioners: Kinky-curly Knot Today and Cantu leave-in Conditioning cream
Gels: Uncle Funky’s Daughter Curly Magic, Wet Line Xtreme, and Camille Rose Curl Maker
Embrace the frizz & shrinkage:
Many people with curly hair struggle with frizz, but it’s important to remember that frizz is a natural part of having curly hair. Start with using products that help define your curls and keep them moisturized. From there, you have to know the look you want.
If I want big hair, I use a leave-in conditioner and a little gel. I have the type of hair that needs a gel to hold the curl. Then once my hair is dry, separate it until it is the desired look I want.
If I want defined curls I have to use a moisturizing leave-in conditioner, a cream, and a strong gel. That will give me very defined curls with no frizz, but the shrinkage will be on 100! My hair that goes down my back could easily be up to my ears!
Get a Great Haircut:
It’s important to get a great haircut that works with your natural texture and curls. Look for a stylist who is experienced in cutting curly hair. Then ask for a cut that will enhance your curls and flatter your face shape.
I am fortunate that my hair grows in a natural heart or round layered shape. After my big chop, I was able to just do trims here and there. I have started doing a blowout of my hair once a year to make sure the ends of my hair are in good health. Once you’ve been natural long enough I find I’m able to see what needs to be cut based on how the ends curl. However, a great haircut can make all the difference in how you feel about your curly hair and yourself.
Be Patient:
Learning to embrace your curly hair can take time and patience. For me, it took a lot of trial and error to learn the right techniques and find the right products. In some cases, it took years to go from one stage to the next. Sometimes I could focus on hair growth. Other times I had to cut my hair and focus on hair health.
The important thing is not to give up!
Connect with other Curl friends:
Connecting with other people who have curly hair can be a great way to get tips, advice, and support. Look for curly hair communities online or in your local area. You will learn much more and feel more confident by surrounding yourself with people who also love their curls.
Conclusion:
Embracing your curly hair is all about learning to love and appreciate your natural texture. My story came with a lot of tears and self-doubt that my hair wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to straighten or change your hair to fit in! Embrace your curls and be proud of your natural beauty. With the right products, techniques, and attitude, you can learn to love your curly hair and feel confident with the hair that sets you apart from the crowd.
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